Story

When we stop making love about ourselves the quality of love we offer grows exponentially. And in turn, the quality of love we receive transforms into something otherworldly.

For so long, I (Sarah here) thought love was about me. If I was smart enough, pretty enough, successful enough, wise enough, (enough x infinity) then I would attract someone dreamy who did everything I asked (Thx Hollywood).

And while my partners are total day dreams, it takes A LOT of internal work to maintain the healthy, satisfying dynamic I have with each of them.

I'm not talking about boundaries, respect, connection or needs here - those are all infinitely important. I'm talking about the unspoken expectations/conditions that we set on our significant others & when they're not met, we are quick to feel rejected, hurt or betrayed.

Expectations/conditions sound like "I love you. As long a you do or don't [enter rules you created as an illusion to keep yourself safe]."

However, when we feel grounded in ourselves & have created a sense of safety that does not rely on the validation of others (self love), the quality of love we give changes.

This is because our external world is simply a reflection of our internal world. When we love people (partners & beyond) without expectations/conditions, there is a particular authenticity that is revealed.

Despite the stories Hollywood has told, having authentic interactions that come from a place of wholeness fuels the sense of safety, belonging & love we all yearn to feel.

Loving authentically is painful. You will get lonely, scared & insecure at times but I encourage you to do it anyway. Trust & safety are not learned by being in comfy situations but rather feeling uncomfortable & making it through anyway.